Friday, January 13, 2012

A Thing Called First Love

I am sitting with her on this park bench. I am not sure what is going on her mind. I could see the tears inside her. It’s innocent as it was five years ago.
 Five years ago
It was winter vacation. All the students must be enjoying at home then. But as for me, I had to come with her. We were sitting on the same park bench in front of our school. She waited for him there since the end of summer break. I couldn’t convince her to go back home. She would wait for him with the hope that he was going to come to school and return back her smile.
Her smile??
Yes, her smile.
He would sit at the last bench. She would sit in the front with me. When the teacher wasn’t around, she would laugh at my slightest joke. I noticed many a times that he would look at her. Then, I would tell her. She would then turn back and smile at him.
Gig! He was a gig. He would just look down every time she smiled at him.
Innocent! She was innocent. She would still smile at him. Every time she smiled, she hoped for the same in return.
They were the stupid sweethearts!
How could they just be happy with that? I wasn’t sure. He was happy just looking at her. And she was happy just giving him unreturned smiles. We had this art class; he opted for music section while we were in painting section. I was tired of them. She would drag me to the music room just to get a glimpse of him pulling those strings.
Once, he waited for her outside the school gate. She was blushing all the way as they walked back home. I didn’t tag along. Well, I knew what they could have done as they walked back. I had known her for so many years.
The next day she happily told me at school that it was a silent walk. They didn’t talk. I knew it. That was what I had guessed that previous night.
It was after the summer break that she brought his portrait she made during the break. He didn’t come that day. He didn’t come the next day as well. Days passed, weeks passed…..she was all gloomy but she didn’t show it.
No one knew what had happened to him. She did try asking his friends to check out on him. They told her that his house was locked.
She went on with her life. But there wasn’t a day she wouldn’t wait for him in the park bench. winter came and it was a very cold winter for her.
After the high school graduation, everybody moved on.
He disappeared into the thin air. She was left behind with just the painting and the memories.

I am meeting her after five years. She came to my house today morning. I wasn’t surprised at all when she told me she wanted to go to school.
And now here I am with her. I thought in these five years she would have forgotten all about it. Well, I am wrong. I don’t know where he can be. I don’t even know if he is alive.
“How many smiles do I owe him?” she said after a long gap of silence.
This winter is still cold for her. As she looks back to those times, I know all she can see is his face.
“First love can be crazy and painful” this is what I am thinking right now.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

To the Evolved Me, I Salute Her

My daughter got sick that morning, her blood pressure lowered and she got hospitalized. The doctor gave her sleeping pills. And there she was, lying so peacefully. There she was, with her mind out of the world, no bad dreams to disturb. I was sitting right next to her, rubbing her hands. Her hands were so warm.  The words which the doctor had told me still rang in my heart.
“She has a very weak heart. Don’t make her face anything which is going to make her unstable.”  I was so heartbroken. The whole world crumbled down for me. “She is the only person of my own. How could this happen to her” I thought at that moment.
“Ahem! Seems like you are crying, aha?”
There was a man next to my daughter’s bed. His words brought me back to senses.
“So, who is this person you are crying for? What happened?”
“She is my daughter. She is very sick. I am very worried.”
He said nothing. He returned back to his sleep. I was still sitting next to my daughter. Each time I looked at her, tears would roll down.
I stayed the whole time sitting next to her. I waited for her to wake up.
After some time, that man woke up. He looked out of his window. His bed was just next to the window.
“Ah! What a lovely child!” and he laughed out loud. It must have been a scene worth seeing but I was not in the mood, or I would rather say I didn’t have the audacity to go any meter away from my daughter.
He went on and on with various beautiful things he saw in the park, the man who was selling balloons, the couple who was walking hand in hand and so on.
I just listened blankly.
I must be really tired because I slept off.
Hours later, there was confusion in the room. The doctors and nurses surrounded that man. It seemed like he was in a critical state. They took him away.
It was then I realized that I was shivering. My whole body was shaking. I returned back to my seat, the seat next to my daughter.
When the doctor came in to check my daughter that night, she said “she should be fine, let her sleep as for now. She will wake up tomorrow. But I would advise you not to stress her out.”
She was about to leave when I stopped her.
“Doctor, how is the man who was previously in this room?”
“It’s so sad about him. He died. He is a terminal patient. And above all he was blind. But during his stay here, he was a wonderful man.”
“Oh! Thank you, doctor.”
She left.
I didn’t understand what was going on in my mind at that moment. He was blind. He was blind. He was blind.
I rushed to the window near his bed. I looked through the window; I didn’t know what lies outside. But definitely there was no park.
“Yeah! He was a wonderful man.” I murmured to myself.
The next morning, it was my daughter who woke me up.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes mom, were you very worried about me?  Did you cry?”
“So many questions…yes I was worried about you and yes I cried. But I am not going to cry anymore. And we both are going to be strong. You don’t have your papa but mama is going to be everything for you. Mama will make a great lady out of you.”
My daughter raised her eyebrow. I reckon she thought she was either dreaming or I was mad. Who would ever imagine I was going to become bold overnight.
“Honey, don’t give me that look!” I nudged my head towards that particular bed.
“There was this brave man who was sleeping here till yesterday. We have to be brave for him, for papa, for you and for me.”
My daughter was still confused.
“I am going to tell her the story of the man and his beautiful window someday. I am going to retell her each day about him.” I thought to myself.
Scientifically it may be not possible to evolve overnight. But I did evolve into a stronger woman that fine day.